The Advice given by My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You need support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to open up among men, who often hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."